Victim? No thank you!

Life is a beach and then you fry …

Life always knows best, doesn’t it?                                                                                                              How many times have you found yourself totally caught out when you thought you had it all planned and sorted out?                                                                                                                    Or worked for years towards a goal that you thought it would make a huge change in your life just to find out years later that actually you didn’t want it any more or circumstances changed so much that it didn’t make any sense to pursue it any longer? They say ‘Life is a bitch and then you die!’, well I prefer: ‘Life is a beach and then you fry!’ as I love being by the sea and feel the sun on my skin …                                                               I definitely have ‘fried’ several times in my life or I should say burnt out, felt aimless, lost, disheartened and thought I was at the end of my rope …                                                That rope though seemed to grow unexpectedly and I had to hang on to it for another while when trying to figure  out where I was, what I was supposed to do or where I wanted to go.

Being nobody going nowhere

At a Dharma talk at a Buddhist monastery near where I live last month I heard this saying that struck a chord with me ‘Being a nobody going nowhere’.    I think that this Zen statement would definitely depict me at the moment.                                                      Sometimes being at a crossing point where one has to decide what to do or where to go next is very easy to fall into the trap of feeling a victim of circumstances or events and the desire to sulk arises, to feel despondent not even knowing against whom or what, just to feel of having enough!                                                                                                                    I found myself several times on this slippery road called victimhood because that is what I absorbed since an early age in my family’s environment when my unconscious mind was still very open and influenced by everything around me.                                            It was an environment that I couldn’t control or understand, as it is for all kids, we are victim of it, because there is really nothing we can do about it. It’s only later in life during our teen age years that our inner self starts the process of individualisation and slowly slowly we start forming an opinion about ourselves, everyone and everything.  Only then we start to have a better picture of what life is, even if we rebel to everything under the sun, we get an idea of what our family is like, about the dynamics of its members, etc.                                                                                                                                  When I was going through my own individualisation process I fought terribly against all my family members that I perceived very different from me; basically I started feeling like an alien fallen on Earth and that feeling never left me to these days.

The slippery road to victimhood

It is so easy to start thinking that we are powerless and we can’t get what we want or make ourselves heard and acknowledged: these are good premises to start forming a victimhood mentality and attitude to life.                                                                                                   A part of me unconsciously subscribed to it, but at the same time, there is also another part of me who always rebelled to it thinking that I could do something about anything no matter what.                                                                                                                  That feisty warrior hasn’t disappeared, she has actually grown throughout my life and whenever the other part of me peeps up, because something knocks me down, the warrior comes up and gets going with a vengeance to rescue the little girl in me that is gasping for air and feels hopeless.                                                                                         Sometimes the little girl is very persuasive and almost convinces the warrior to leave the battle, but my warrior is a hard-to-die type of warrior and so far she has always come back home holding her shield, not on the shield.   If not totally victorious at least she was still alive and kicking!  Not too bad for over half a century of battles, I would say …

My inner warrior

I asked myself several times: what is it that comes up in me to wake my warrior up to go and rescue the little girl?                                                                                                                                     I think sometimes my warrior kept sleeping and didn’t hear the call, or maybe she was pretending to sleep because she thought it wasn’t the case to go to the rescue, but most of the times she did kick into action and fought as vehemently and as passionately as if that was the last battle of her life.                                                          Generally it is injustice that wakes my warrior up, unconsciousness, incongruence or simply untruthfulness.                                                                                                                                                 I am impressed and surprised by the amount of energy and resourcefulness that my warrior shows up with, therefore  my self-confidence has grown and has become slowly slowly something solid and tangible, not just an idea in my mind.                           In the last few years I have started experiencing a different part of myself, as I am slowly but steadily approaching menopause: it is this amazing warrior that is coming back to the forefront and she is showing up at the least expected moments and is acting with radical and brutal honesty, no matter what.                                                                      I can’t say that I have total control over this warrior, most of the times she has the best part of me and I follow suit …                                                                                                                            She speaks out loud and with authority and doesn’t compromise easily.                Because of her having the upper part in this inner battle, the old self inclined towards victimhood is fading away and an enormous hunger for life and adventure is slipping into my existence without me even taking much notice …

This is an interesting time, definitely unpredictable and much needed, especially in these uncertain times we are living in where justice and honesty are shunned and left astray more often than not.                                                                                                                                    If I had to locate my inner warrior in one of my ‘inner seasons’ of my female cycle it would certainly feel at home in my ‘inner autumn’ where my unconscious self starts making herself heard more and my feminine nature comes back to the stage showing all the main aspects that are waiting to be met and considered for me to become whole again and follow my inner wisdom.                                                                                                   If you would like to discover more about your ‘inner seasons’ to prepare yourself for your menopause or to face your menopause happening already in your life, check my work with women on                                                                        Invest in yourself to become whole, nobody can do that but you!                                          Love and hugs from The Flying Witch            

2 thoughts on “Victim? No thank you!”

  1. I love this article Gabriella. Lately I’ve been reflecting upon this a lot.
    Women have for centuries been brought up as victims. We need to break that idea, stop perpetuating it, know our worth and live according to it.
    We need to stop controlling and manipulating through a false weakness and definitely stop feeling sorry for ourselves.
    Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts!

    • Thanks Irene for sharing your thoughts with me, I totally agree with you!
      Feeling a victim is not empowering for anybody, especially for women that by nature tend to be more self-critical and introspective than men, in fact this characteristic of ours combined with victimhood is like a bomb, time to change the story and invent a better one. The best medicine for all of this is awareness, nothing else, simple!
      Together as sisters we can change it and thrive again …
      Love and hugs from The Flying Witch


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